Attract a Spouse Who Will Love You as a Person 

by Steve Wood  

John Blanchard stood up from his seat and straightened his neatly pressed army uniform as he studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station in New York. He eagerly looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn’t—the girl with the rose.   

His interest in her had begun two years before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf, he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margins. 

The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and an insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner’s name: Miss Holly Maynell. In time and with some effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City. 

He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next week he was shipped overseas for duty in World War II.  

During the next two years they grew to know each other through overseas mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that, if he really cared, it wouldn’t matter what she looked like.  

When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting at 7:00 p.m. at the train station. “You’ll recognize me,” she wrote, “by the red rose I’ll be wearing on my lapel.” So at 7:00 p.m. sharp he was in the station looking for the girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he’d never seen. 

In Mr. Blanchard’s words, this is what happened next: 

A gorgeous young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blond hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were as blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive.

I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small smile curved her lips. “Going my way, soldier?” she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her—and then I saw Holly Maynell.

She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past forty, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, with her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly been my companion overseas.

And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible; her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small, worn copy of the book that was to identify me to her.

This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders, saluted, and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. “I’m Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad we could meet; may I take you to dinner?”

The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile. “I don’t know what this is about, Son,” she answered, “but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said that if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!” 

A NOTE TO YOUNG MEN: 

Fatal attractions 

Miss Maynell was a wise woman. She realized that many men are blindly attracted to a pretty face without regard to what’s inside. It’s a fatal mistake to be attracted to a woman just for her looks, without knowing and loving her as a person.  

A scenario in contrast to that of Miss Maynell and Lieutenant Blanchard might go something like this: At the first sight of Laurie walking across campus in her form-fitting sweater and hip-hugging jeans, Barry’s breath is taken away. He instantly falls in love and decides that he wants her for his wife, imagining perpetual bliss in a marriage to such a beautiful woman.  

Laurie is flattered that Barry is so strongly attracted to her. They are engaged during college, and both decide to work for a year before getting married. Barry starts his insurance career, and Laurie works as the weather girl at a local TV station.  

Just a couple of years after an extravagant wedding, their stormy marriage has made them both miserable. Barry can’t figure out why the woman who had so powerfully attracted him now upsets and repulses him. After enduring four years of misery, Barry files for divorce and tries to obtain custody of his twin daughters. Despite spending $65,000 in a bitter dispute, his attorneys fail to win custody for him. Barry is left alone, bitter, and broke. 

On the surface, a pretty woman can seem incredibly appealing. Yet choosing a wife without the inner qualities to match her attractiveness is a potential plunge into a pit of misery. The Bible warns a young man in choosing a wife that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain” (Proverbs 31:30). A gorgeous woman is no guarantee of marital happiness.  

The importance attached to physical attractiveness in choosing a mate soared during the last half of the twentieth century, fueled by the explosive growth of the visual media and the cosmetics industry. This shift in social attitudes created such superficial mate selection criteria that we now value looks more than character, virtues, and actions. Warning against such superficiality, the Bible says, “Like a gold ring in a swine’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion” (Proverbs 11:22).

Make an ugly woman your wife? 

Jimmy Soul’s number-one hit song in 1963 declared, “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife.” Jimmy Soul didn’t really believe that you had to marry an ugly woman in order to be happily married. Yet his classic rock song made an obvious overstatement to underscore an important truth: Marriage to a beautiful woman lacking inner beauty is a ticket to marital misery.  

The important question: How can you find a beautiful wife–both inside and out?  

Make a modest woman your wife 

My rendition of Jimmy Soul’s song is this: “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make a modest woman your wife.” Modesty is the mysterious veil over a woman’s outward beauty that allows you to see her inner beauty as well. 

It’s incredibly easy for a woman wearing skin-tight, revealing clothing to dazzle you. Be aware that many immodest women are literally “letting it all hang out”; that is, they have nothing in the way of inner beauty to offer you. Immodesty can be a way of compensating for a lack of inner character and virtue. Lack of modesty can also be a tip-off that a woman has low self-esteem. 

God designed a woman’s body to radiate more beauty than any of His other works. He intends for a wife’s body to be physically appealing. Yet God also designed a woman’s body as a sacred mystery to be unveiled only to her husband—not to every other guy gawking as she passes by. To profane means to make common what God has set apart as sacred. A lack of modesty in a very real way profanes the sacredness of a woman’s body.  

To prevent the fatal attraction to a pretty woman capable of only superficial love, you should never consider choosing—even for a moment—an immodest woman for a wife. Modesty in an attractive woman allows you to discern the inner beauty that makes for a satisfying marriage. Your happiness in marriage depends on your choosing a woman with the treasure of inward beauty. 

A NOTE TO YOUNG WOMEN: 

The right way to attract a man 

Miss Maynell is a wise woman. Your goal, like hers, is to get acquainted with a man in such a way that he’ll be attracted to you as a person and not as an object.  

Multitudes of men are seeking an exciting weekend date, a poster girl, a six-month playmate, or a trophy wife. Such playboys are selfish, pleasure-seeking, and immature – incapable of lasting love. On the other hand, many good men would be eager to love you for who you really are. The question is, how can you attract this second kind of man while avoiding the first kind? 

A woman wishing to attract a man who will love her as a person must dress and act with modesty.  God went way overboard for Adam when He created Eve. He designed a woman’s body to radiate more beauty than any of His works. He fully intends for a woman’s body to be physically appealing to a man. 

Yet God also designed a woman’s body as a sacred mystery to be unveiled only to her husband. To profane means to make common what God has set apart as sacred. A lack of modesty in a very real way profanes the sacredness of your beauty. 

You may not be aware of this, but every woman sends out signals to men. Most men can detect and read your signals in a matter of seconds. The first pulses you emit are your dress and your body language (that is, your deportment).  

It’s incredibly easy for a woman to attract attention from men. Just wear skin-tight, thigh-length, revealing clothing. You’ll get lots of male attention. Guaranteed. But will it be the kind of attention you want? 

Modesty protects you from immature men 

Fishermen insist that the fish you catch is determined by the bait you use. Do you want to fend off the playboys incapable of real love? Then don’t dress like a playgirl. Do you want to be the type of woman who’s attractive to a good man who’ll want to bring her home to meet his folks? Then dress like one. You’ll largely determine how a man will relate to you through your modesty, or lack thereof.  

Modesty protects you from men capable of only superficial love. Remember, your physical appearance will change over the next three or four decades. How will you know whether your husband will still love you then? Will you be abandoned for an attractive young co-worker, or will you enjoy the years with a man who has lifelong allegiance to you? Learn from Miss Maynell to attract the type of man who will love you as a person.